I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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