please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize