you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
