I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
