I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
