evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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