hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
