First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
