The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
