his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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