It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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