i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
