He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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