You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
