he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
