That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
