I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
