I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
