remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
