Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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