If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sober January is a disaster.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
