3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
