I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
