Im at strip club and am horny
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
