Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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