he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
