He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize