It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize