I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
