i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
