The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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