weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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