my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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