Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
