And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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