I love black thongs
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
