and she was petting her beer can
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
