His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
