Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
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They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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