He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize