Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
