you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
