the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
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I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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