well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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