I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Boobs speak an international language.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
