I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
