The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
