i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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