Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
