I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
