I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
