feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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