Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
