It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
