You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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