I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
