i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
