Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
